Does Married Life Kill Your Social Life?
ByIn the ongoing hunt for advice for LBBs, I came across a really interesting article from 2005 that talks about how getting married kills your social life. (Diminishing Interest: Why getting married kills your social life, New York magazine, April 4, 2005)
Great.
The author, Amy Sohn, writes about how single and married friends sometimes have trouble adjusting to one another’s changing (or not changing) priorities. Evidently, once married, you can be labeled anything from being merely “unavailable” to being a “social pariah” because nobody wants to hear your petty little foibles about husband snoring when they aren’t gettin’ any.
The truth for the non-invitations is probably closer to this: everyone assumes you only want to hang with your spouse, so why bother asking you out?
Say “no” too many times and you could find yourself blacklisted on the social scene. Apparently, the frequency with which one goes out equals how much fun you are considered to be. And, it’s a hard reputation to shake.
As a single person, I had quite the social life. I mean, I used to live 15 minutes from Reagan National Airport and could (pre 9/11) grab the shuttle to NYC for dinner! And, those little spontaneous adventures only grew with added age. Let’s face it. Older singles have all the accoutrements for a rockin’ social life: Courage, a budget, no drama about what to wear, because you’re a big girl now and know exactly what to throw on. But, just when I knew exactly what restaurants to go to and how to get those great concert tickets, I got married.
End of spontaneity as we know it.
At first, it was pretty nice, actually. An excuse to stay home when you want to, a ready-made date, someone to watch movies with at home, someone who actually cared that you got home at all. But, then after a while (after the couch developed a permanent indentation of my butt), I realized just how much I missed shooting over to the wine bar for an “after work” drink out of the blue. And, how much fun it used to be to stay out to whenever with no one to check in with.
Once married, however, it becomes a negotiation with the spouse over what time you’ll be home, and whose car will be last in the driveway blocking the other, or what state you’ll arrive in when home (it was the tequila’s fault, really).
For me, it’s also an internal battle . Half of me wants to go swinging around town with the girls and the other half of me wants to stay home and snuggle with Husband and our remotes.
And, to top it off, there is the diverging interests of Husband and me. Husband doesn’t always want to do what I want to do. (What, you don’t want to do tequila shots on a Tuesday night?)
To top it off, he often doesn’t alert me to his plans (read: lack of desire to do anything) until that night. So, I’m left hunting for a companion – especially if it is a night where I am acutely aware of the butt imprint I’ve been leaving on my couch at home and I’m desperate for. something. different.
Of course, the fact that single gals aren’t used to compromising their social activities might be a big culprit. You mean I have to choose? Whhhhyyyyy?
Sigh. Who needs a drink?
