For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
~Bill Cosby
May 302009
May 292009
Here’s something else no one ever tells you when you first get married – especially if you are legally coupling for the first time later in life. There will be someone there, on a daily basis, noticing. And, watching. And, wondering what you are doing and why you are doing it.
When we moved in together it just seemed logical to tell him – and let him see — everything and anything. We promised each other total honesty from the beginning. No holding back.
But, let’s face it. Sometimes we do things that we’d rather no one know about. Not because we are doing anything bad or even embarrassing. It is just something where witnesses are not required and explanations are not desired.
When you’ve been single a long time, you are used to things being, well, on the “down low.” Your every like and dislike were not examined and evaluated. So, I got used to the fact no one was going to sneak up behind me when I’m on the computer and peer over my shoulder, as I was perusing InStyle.com. No one picking out CDs from the side pocket on my car door asking, who is this? No one tsk-tsking as the UPS man dropped off yet another zappos.com box. No questions such as, do you really like this stuff? when you’re TV channel surfing and decide to stop on America’s Next Top Model. No one asking whatcha doin? every single day.
But, now I’m married. And, sometimes is feels like the utter and complete annihilation of privacy.
Given our likes and dislikes are so firmly formed by age 40, trying to merge our interests – which sometimes we’d like to keep private just to avoid the dreaded You’re into that? comments – feels like we are giving away precious secrets.
I now understand how long-time married people say the mystery goes out of a relationship pretty quickly. So, where there once was mystery, now there is comfort and familiarity. But, is it an even trade? Hmmm. Something to ponder. And, quickly before Husband asks, whatcha thinking?
May 252009
So, on the local news the other night they had a story on “cougars.” You know – women getting involved with younger men. May-December romances. Like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner. Demi is considered one of the more famous cougars, marrying Ashton when he was a tender 27. She was 42.
According to the news report, some older women who have married a younger man take issue with the term “cougar.” They would prefer to be called “sophisticats.” (I couldn’t make this up if I tried.)
Husband thought this was hilarious. I thought, who are these people? Can someone please explain to me how sophisticat is better than cougar?
(Minor digression: Husband had never heard of a “cougar” hence him calling me over to the TV last night saying, get a load of this. Clearly, he is behind in his E! Entertainment television viewing. Hollywood has been on to this one for years.)
Apparently one can only claim the title of cougar, if the woman is at least ten years older than her conquest. And, “conquest” is an inherent part of the definition. As in, everyone around you should marvel that you landed him, therefore making you even more special. Also, the popularity of wearing animal prints is another seemingly trait of “cougars.” (That one would put me out of this group immediately. Leopard is not my color.)
For the record, the term “cougar” never bothered me. At least it was strong. And, the men obviously were strong for recognizing the benefits of being with, shall we say, a more evolved being. So, sophisticat just doesn’t match up with this powerful ability — to attract and keep much younger men, who as a group are prone to the younger woman.
And, am I the only one who gets a mental picture of Disney’s Aristocats movie? (Spoiler alert for anyone born after 1970: Picture animated cats, with diamond collars, running around trying to reclaim their fortune left to them by their wealthy owner who just kicked the bucket. In the end, the butler did it.)
I am far from a cougar-sophisticat-whatever besides the fact animal prints not being my best look. Husband is 11 years older than me. (Just a sec. I stand corrected. He wants you to know that he is 10 years and 6 months older. ) But, I cannot picture Susan Sarandon, who has been long-term involved with younger Tim Robbins, sitting on an animated white satin pillow purring at Tim. (And nor can I picture her in a tiger outfit.)
But, by now you are asking, what does this have to do with being an LBB — getting married for the first time over age 40? Well, it seems the cougar-sophisticat debate is just another way of addressing the surprise that women over a “certain age” can find new love. Regardless of age — and regardless of the age of their beloved – it all comes down to this: If you are a little older, people are amazed you can land anyone. And, you are so special, you must be given a very special name. So, ladies, if you are an LBB, consider yourself a very special person. A catch. Meow.
May 242009
“Remember, you married her, you didn’t hire her!” – said to critical, controlling husband.
~Dr Phil
May 232009
Is it too early to start planning a 5 year wedding anniversary trip if it is two years away? Husband says now is not a good time to bring it up. (But, that may be because I want to go to Paris. And, he wants to go, well, anywhere else.)
This begs a question, however. When it is a good time to bring it up? “It” can be anything. And, what if you ask “when will it be a ‘good time’?” and the answer is when the economy gets better? Can a marriage survive the ups and downs of the stock market when there are Paris streets to wander and French wine to be drunk?
Having a financially-oriented husband means that when I ask him how his day went, he tells what the Dow did that day. Seriously. The Wall Street Journal sits on the dining room table all day and MadMoney is religiously TIVO-ed. (Even if it means Millionaire Matchmaker is cut off a minute too short, meaning I don’t get to see how it all turns out. Apparently, stock tips are more important than whether Hans found “the one.”)
Trips to Paris are on the bottom of the list, while saving for a rainy day is high. I, on the other hand, know that it rains a LOT in Paris, so can’t we do both?
It’s been said many times that financial compatibility is key for a successful marriage. But, what if the third party (read: the stock market) refuses to play?
I know I’ll be thankful for all this financial responsibility when we are sitting in our rockers on the front porch one day, cuz those rockers will be the high-end kind. But, for now I’d really settle for the stock market to stop rocking. Because we aren’t going anywhere – just back and forth. And, that won’t help me get across the ocean.
So, I’m doing what any mature bride would do. Cashing in the frequent flier miles. Husband can run from Paris, but he can’t argue with free (or the savvy LBB).