Marriage and Mystery

Here’s something else no one ever tells you when you first get married – especially if you are legally coupling for the first time later in life. There will be someone there, on a daily basis, noticing. And, watching. And, wondering what you are doing and why you are doing it.

When we moved in together it just seemed logical to tell him – and let him see — everything and anything. We promised each other total honesty from the beginning. No holding back. 

But, let’s face it. Sometimes we do things that we’d rather no one know about. Not because we are doing anything bad or even embarrassing. It is just something where witnesses are not required and explanations are not desired.

When you’ve been single a long time, you are used to things being, well, on the “down low.” Your every like and dislike were not examined and evaluated. So, I got used to the fact no one was going to sneak up behind me when I’m on the computer and peer over my shoulder, as I was perusing InStyle.com. No one picking out CDs from the side pocket on my car door asking, who is this? No one tsk-tsking as the UPS man dropped off yet another zappos.com box. No questions such as, do you really like this stuff? when you’re TV channel surfing and decide to stop on America’s Next Top Model. No one asking whatcha doin? every single day.

But, now I’m married. And, sometimes is feels like the utter and complete annihilation of privacy.

Given our likes and dislikes are so firmly formed by age 40, trying to merge our interests – which sometimes we’d like to keep private just to avoid the dreaded You’re into that? comments – feels like we are giving away precious secrets.

I now understand how long-time married people say the mystery goes out of a relationship pretty quickly. So, where there once was mystery, now there is comfort and familiarity. But, is it an even trade? Hmmm. Something to ponder. And, quickly before Husband asks, whatcha thinking?

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