You and Me Against the Problem

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. ~Zig Ziglar

That’s a pretty smart quote. I learned this the hard way.

It’s easy to find yourself pitted against one another. Or, when trying to get the other to do something or believe something that they do not. It can feel so, well, competitive.

I’m used to living my life however I want. But, now I have someone else to consider. Getting them “on board” isn’t the same as with friends and family, either. Because this is someone you live with, whose ideas and beliefs affect your day to day life in ways others’ do not. So, being able to build a common vision (and belief system) is key.

I had an “issue” a little while ago. And, it wasn’t small, either. After a few days of doing the usual (ranting, begging, removing oneself to go shopping instead), something occurred to me. If he spent half the energy on helping me rather than fighting me, we’d win. Then, another domino fell. Husband is a great ally. Why aren’t I tuning in to his natural competitiveness and solutions-oriented nature? If we were fighting for the same thing, we’d win. No question. It occurred to me that we really should be teammates on this. What a concept.

It’s you and me against the problem, I finally said.

Oh, he responded. (A much better response than before. Trust me.)

The next thing I knew we were having a civilized and adult conversation. Amazing what the right seven words can do. And, since then, I have found anytime I approach issues with this in mind, things go much, much better. Huh.