On Being Grateful – An Important Marital Skill

Happy Thanksgiving!

‘Tis the season to express gratitude. I know I often complain and point out the often ridiculous notions and activities that go on in marriage (particularly after a long and happy single life). But, today, it only seems fitting to write a little about what I’ve discovered to be grateful for in being married.

For one, it is incredibly heartening to have a man love you when the time of perfect body shape and endless energy has long passed.  I am thankful for the fact Husband is perfectly content to sit on the couch with me and believe it is a great night, just because I’m there – even when I’m wearing those sweat pants with the butt worn out, looking anything but that Victoria’s Secret model strutting across the TV screen. (I still let Husband drool, however.)

Another wonderful discovery is – when married – a fight isn’t reason enough to break up. We argue, we snipe, we throw our tension at one another, but five minutes later we’re happily sitting at the dinner table talking about what’s next. It’s not the end of the world. (Yes, this is a revelation to those of us who were single for a long time. We are used to men walking out at the drop of a hat.) Whew.

I also am grateful for being able to be me. It’s important to be yourself. After all, everyone else is already taken. So, sometimes I’m not so nice, too easily irritated (but always aware and sheepish afterward), and say careless things. But, Husband knows all too well how it’s exhausting trying to be perfect, so he doesn’t expect it. I only hope I offer the same.

And, finally, to have another human being care about not only what happens to you – but cares about being the one there to help make discoveries, mark milestones and, in general, march through time with you, is remarkable, really.

Susan Sarandon in the 2004 movie “Shall We Dance” summed it up perfectly: “Why is it that people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet. What does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, All of it… all the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed – because I will be your witness.’”

Being able to be yourself and have someone say you were so important – at least to me – that he must be there to make sure it does not go unnoticed, is the greatest gift for which to be thankful.

So, Husband, here’s a public shout-out to you. Thank you for letting me be me, and loving me anyway.  (I know it isn’t always easy, especially in the butt-less sweatpants.)

And, last but not least, I also am grateful for you, readers – for reading, commenting and passing this blog around to friends. They say a well-read blog has an audience of “one,” so I guess I’m doing okay thanks to you. Know that I appreciate you more than I can say.

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