The King-Sized Bed and the End of Marriage
ByThe ubiquitous “they” say that a king sized bed is the enemy of a happy marriage.
At this point, I’m willing to risk it.
The nightly battle for the bed has reached new heights. And, it’s not my fault.
We recently shared a hotel room on a business trip. Husband got there before me, so he was in charge of checking us in. When I arrived a day later I found two full-sized beds in the room. (I didn’t know they even made full-size anymore.)
You didn’t ask for a king when you checked in? I asked.
They didn’t ask me if I wanted one, he responded.
Silly, husband. You actually get to ask for one, ya know.
You all know about Husband’s and my temperature, ahem, disparities. And, of course, there is the nightly battle of the covers.
Well, add a hotel bed that isn’t even a queen size, and you could say WWIII broke out. In the end, as I finally got tired of clinging to the side of the bed so I wouldn’t end up on the floor, I finally gave up. I took over the other bed around 3 a.m.
Husband assures me that I was equally unfriendly to him in my sleep. Apparently, we both were Sleep Fighting — a new term we’ve coined. Neither remembers being the invader, just being the hostage or victim.
I keep saying it would be so much easier if there was just more bed space, no matter where we were. Then, the covers would be harder to lose no matter which side of the heat index you fall. And, everyone would have the room to stretch and toss at will.
Or maybe the Victorians’ had it right. Separate beds altogether, suggested Husband.
GASP. The horrors! We might as well be single then.
I think we’re back to just needing more nighttime real estate, as in the way of a California King. Just add it to the list…
4 Comments
November 12th, 2009 at 9:39 am
What you need is a puppy, or maybe two. They will help hold you in place during the night. They keep you from rolling around all over the bed, and since they will hog the covers, you won’t be complaining about your spouse. If you disturb puppies while they are asleep, they growl in their sleep (just like you, as rumor has it!) Then, you can back fill the last little bits of unused bed with a couple of clingy cats. Before long, when you two get to sleep in a double bed without all that company, you will find it to be absolutely spacious!
And you know….the original meaning of the phrase “lover’s leap” referred to the distance between separate beds! There were lots of Victorians, and they were all well-rested!
November 12th, 2009 at 10:14 am
I am all about the separate mattresses. German beds tend to be king size, but with two mattresses that prevent inadvertent nocturnal disturbances. Personally, I think ‘they’ got it wrong. King size beds are fit for a Queen!
November 12th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Oh, I do like how you think!
November 12th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Personally, I dislike King-sized beds. I find the valley between lovers is more separation than I care to have. I’ll take a Queen-size over a King anyday. My King-sized bed has a red card and I am ejecting it from the game! Anyone want to trade?