Archive for December, 2009
Of Driving and Divorce Predicators
Posted by: | CommentsIt is official. I have become a nag.
But, only in one place. The car.
Who knew that marriage could cause such a personality shift?
When I was single, never in a million years would I have dreamed I’d be one of those women. The backseat driver, the cantankerous why-did-you-take-this-route-lady, the hassler. But, there I was, Christmas Eve, headed toward my sister’s place. Husband in the driver seat. Me, in the nag seat. Telling him how to drive. (Actually, more than that.)
It had snowed – heavily – in previous days. The roads were okay that night, but not great. It was misting, making everything mushier and darker than usual. So, when Husband – who is a silent but stealthy driver – was speeding along the major highway like he always does, it made me nervous. (Husband believes every road is a version of the German autobahn.)
Add to the fact he was not paying any attention to what I was saying, and I grew even more anxious. (Actually, naggier.)
This is because somewhere in my subconscious, I must have believed the pestering needed acknowledging. So, the harassment got louder. Because he might not hear me from eight inches away. So, it grew. (Actually, exploded.)
Husband, slow down!
Why are you going this way? We’ll be late.
Watch that guy!
Stop speeding up to every light and then braking (which is kind of a stupid thing to say, given if you are speeding, you want them to eventually brake)
Careful, Husband. That’s a patch of ice.
What? Are? You? Doing?
You’re going to give me a heart attack!
Sort of like that. (Actually, louder.)
Do you ever have one of those out-of-body experiences where you know your behavior just isn’t right, and you’re looking down on yourself from the ceiling, debating inside why you are continuing with said behavior? Well, it was one of those nights.
I recently came across an article on the best divorce predictors. The number one reason why people split up? Conflict avoidance. I guess we should not be worried. Husband eventually told me to cut it out. (Actually, less subtly.)
Quote of the Week: Marriage is a Verb
Posted by: | Comments“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” ~ Barbara De Angelis
Men. And the Weather Channel.
Posted by: | CommentsThis past weekend, Charlottesville – my home town – got 27 inches of snow in 24 hours. The entire mid-Atlanta area was slammed. It was deemed “the storm of the century.” The fact we are just one decade into the century may have had something to do with this esteemed title. But, nonetheless, it was a hell of a lot of snow for our area that has maybe a handful of snowplows. (Read: trucks with a plow tacked on to the front.)
As Husband and I made our way home that first evening into the Storm of the Century, it looked like a mini-van graveyard along Rt. 29. (There is a vast distinction between an SUV and a mini-van no matter what Husbands around the globe may believe.)
Husband gets props for his deft handling of his BMW in the foot of snow we encountered Friday night as we made our way home. His yelling at other drivers (as they attempt to get said minivan up a hill) aside, he handles himself very well in winter weather. (He lived in Germany for six years, after all. I lived between Buffalo and Rochester, NY as a little girl. Twenty-seven inches of snowfall is child’s play.)
However, I have discovered – as a late bloomer bride – something about men and snow that I did not realize until I took the marital plunge, necessitating TV sharing. Getting married later in life is like that. Something as ordinary as snow turns into something that provides keen insight into your spouse.
I have learned that snow can have the effect of crack.
Storms like these mean Husband gets to watch the weather news nonstop. And, we must go back and forth between the local weather and the Weather Channel because, apparently, cross-checking the local weather is very, very important. I mean, what if our local people, who are standing out in the blizzard, get an inch off? The fact their microphones can barely stay uncovered is not enough for Husband to know really, really what’s Going On Out There. And What’s Going On Out There is key to survival.
I say to Husband, about two hours into the weather news, ya know, we can look out the window and see we aren’t going anywhere.
We need to know What’s Going On Out There.
Why? I ask innocently.
We need to know the road conditions.
Uh, Husband. Take a look at our cars.
Well, we have to know.
Like I said. Crack.
Song: Lullaby for Myself
Posted by: | CommentsInstead of a quote of the week, Late Bloomer Bride presents song lyrics.
Lullaby for Myself
By Barbra Streisand
Self-contained and self-content
No promises to keep
I’ve got things so together
That I just can’t fall asleep
Walked the night and drank the moon
Got home at half-past four,
And I knew that no-one marked my time
As I unlocked my door.
It’s really lovely to discover
That you like to be alone
Not to owe your man an answer
When he gets you on the phone
Not to share a pair of porkchops
When you crave champagne and cheese
And your aim becomes to please yourself
And not to aim to please
Oh they sold me when they told me
Two can live as cheap as one
But I’m learning twice your earning
Doesn’t mean it’s twice the fun
If you spend each dime and all your time
On someone else’s schemes
I’m not needy but I’m greedy
And I live my deepest dreams
Take an hour in the shower
Use the water while it’s hot
In the tub a hand to scrub my back
Is all I haven’t got.
Self-aware with self-esteem
Is selfishness a crime?
I take the day for quite a ride
And I take my own sweet time
Time to spare and time to share
And grateful I would be
If just one damn man would share the need
To be alone with me.
