Of Driving and Divorce Predicators

Dec 282009
 

It is official. I have become a nag.

But, only in one place. The car.

Who knew that marriage could cause such a personality shift?

When I was single, never in a million years would I have dreamed I’d be one of those women.  The backseat driver, the cantankerous why-did-you-take-this-route-lady, the hassler. But, there I was, Christmas Eve, headed toward my sister’s place. Husband in the driver seat. Me, in the nag seat. Telling him how to drive. (Actually, more than that.)

It had snowed – heavily – in previous days. The roads were okay that night, but not great. It was misting, making everything mushier and darker than usual. So, when Husband – who is a silent but stealthy driver – was speeding along the major highway like he always does, it made me nervous. (Husband believes every road is a version of the German autobahn.)

Add to the fact he was not paying any attention to what I was saying, and I grew even more anxious. (Actually, naggier.)

This is because somewhere in my subconscious, I must have believed the pestering needed acknowledging. So, the harassment got louder. Because he might not hear me from eight inches away. So, it grew. (Actually, exploded.)

Husband, slow down!

Why are you going this way? We’ll be late.

Watch that guy!

Stop speeding up to every light and then braking (which is kind of a stupid thing to say, given if you are speeding, you want them to eventually brake)

Careful, Husband. That’s a patch of ice.

What? Are? You? Doing?

You’re going to give me a heart attack!

Sort of like that. (Actually, louder.)

Do you ever have one of those out-of-body experiences where you know your behavior just isn’t right, and you’re looking down on yourself from the ceiling, debating inside why you are continuing with said behavior? Well, it was one of those nights.

I recently came across an article on the best divorce predictors. The number one reason why people split up? Conflict avoidance. I guess we should not be worried. Husband eventually told me to cut it out. (Actually, less subtly.)

 December 28, 2009  Posted by Suzanne on December 28, 2009 6 Responses »

Quote of the Week: Marriage is a Verb

Dec 272009
 

“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

 December 27, 2009  Posted by Suzanne on December 27, 2009 2 Responses »

Facebooking Couples: Are You on the Same Page?

Dec 222009
 

Here is an interesting article about couples who “Facebook.” It contains some really good advice about transparency, avoiding “friending” ex-lovers, and thinking twice about marital venting.

Facebook’s privacy controls are growing, but there are still some dangers lurking in cyber happy land. To their list, I will add my own horror stories advice below.

(You may be asking, how much more sensitive can you be to privacy when you BLOG about things in your marriage, LBB? Oh, trust me. Facebook can be waaaay more dangerous than this blog.)

First, there are the posts that others write on my wall, pictures that get tagged, and comments that trickle their way through cyberspace. Personally, I have my FB page pretty locked down. But, the short Santa Baby dress I wore for a dance recently – well, let’s just say it made its way to Husband’s profile, which then allowed his clients to see it. (Naturally, I’m hoping Husband’s clients are thinking – how lucky is he?) I didn’t care. (It looks good.) Husband took it in stride. (He likes the outfit.) All was well.

But, then, recently, a nameless gentleman (you know who you are) posted on a listserv asking for advice on how to friend an ex-girlfriend so her husband wouldn’t find out. (What was he thinking? That, of the 1,000 people on the listserv, this matter would stay private?) One clever reader replied, tell her to also “friend” a good lawyer.

The truth is, nothing on Facebook stays private for long. So, to add to the marital Facebook-ing policies, I add my own thoughts not included in this article:

  1. Determine whether or not your Facebook page is for pleasure or business. And, I really, really encourage that your spouse’s and your ideas match. Why? See Santa Baby outfit example above.
  2. The past will find you. Remember your spouse may not know about – or have quite yet acknowledged – that you have a past. Anything you don’t want coming out? Well, be careful about friending those college buddies. They have those old pictures of you doing shooters in that awful 80s hair. Count on being tagged.
  3. To tag or not to tag? Did you invite everyone to your party? No? You had space restrictions like I did recently and could only squeeze in so many people? Well, know the pictures, while not necessarily embarrassing, alert everyone who wasn’t invited that, well, they weren’t invited. And your spouse may be questioned. Let them know this.
  4. Make sure you and your spouse agree on Facebook privacy controls. See listserv example above.
  5. Adhere to the golden rule. Only post on anyone’s wall what you wouldn’t mind having on your wall, having said about you, or having your spouse, boss, children or 82 year old grammie read about you. Play nice. Make your spouse proud to claim you. 

Anyone else have anything they’d like to add?

 December 22, 2009  Posted by Suzanne on December 22, 2009 2 Responses »

Men. And the Weather Channel.

Dec 212009
 

This past weekend, Charlottesville – my home town – got 27 inches of snow in 24 hours. The entire mid-Atlanta area was slammed. It was deemed “the storm of the century.” The fact we are just one decade into the century may have had something to do with this esteemed title. But, nonetheless, it was a hell of a lot of snow for our area that has maybe a handful of snowplows. (Read: trucks with a plow tacked on to the front.)

As Husband and I made our way home that first evening into the Storm of the Century, it looked like a mini-van graveyard along Rt. 29. (There is a vast distinction between an SUV and a mini-van no matter what Husbands around the globe may believe.)

Husband gets props for his deft handling of his BMW in the foot of snow we encountered Friday night as we made our way home. His yelling at other drivers (as they attempt to get said minivan up a hill) aside, he handles himself very well in winter weather. (He lived in Germany for six years, after all. I lived between Buffalo and Rochester, NY as a little girl. Twenty-seven inches of snowfall is child’s play.)

However, I have discovered – as a late bloomer bride – something about men and snow that I did not realize until I took the marital plunge, necessitating TV sharing. Getting married later in life is like that. Something as ordinary as snow turns into something that provides keen insight into your spouse.

I have learned that snow can have the effect of crack.

Storms like these mean Husband gets to watch the weather news nonstop. And, we must go back and forth between the local weather and the Weather Channel because, apparently, cross-checking the local weather is very, very important. I mean, what if our local people, who are standing out in the blizzard, get an inch off? The fact their microphones can barely stay uncovered is not enough for Husband to know really, really what’s Going On Out There. And What’s Going On Out There is key to survival.

I say to Husband, about two hours into the weather news, ya know, we can look out the window and see we aren’t going anywhere.

 We need to know What’s Going On Out There.

 Why? I ask innocently.

 We need to know the road conditions.

Uh, Husband. Take a look at our cars.

Our cars just half way through the storm

 







Well, we have to know. 

Like I said. Crack.

 December 21, 2009  Posted by Suzanne on December 21, 2009 13 Responses »

Song: Lullaby for Myself

Dec 202009
 

Instead of a quote of the week, Late Bloomer Bride presents song lyrics.

Lullaby for Myself

By Barbra Streisand

Self-contained and self-content
No promises to keep
I’ve got things so together
That I just can’t fall asleep

Walked the night and drank the moon
Got home at half-past four,
And I knew that no-one marked my time
As I unlocked my door.

It’s really lovely to discover
That you like to be alone
Not to owe your man an answer
When he gets you on the phone

Not to share a pair of porkchops
When you crave champagne and cheese
And your aim becomes to please yourself
And not to aim to please

Oh they sold me when they told me
Two can live as cheap as one
But I’m learning twice your earning
Doesn’t mean it’s twice the fun

If you spend each dime and all your time
On someone else’s schemes
I’m not needy but I’m greedy
And I live my deepest dreams

Take an hour in the shower
Use the water while it’s hot
In the tub a hand to scrub my back
Is all I haven’t got.

Self-aware with self-esteem
Is selfishness a crime?
I take the day for quite a ride
And I take my own sweet time

Time to spare and time to share
And grateful I would be
If just one damn man would share the need
To be alone with me.


 December 20, 2009  Posted by Suzanne on December 20, 2009 No Responses »
 Older Entries