Ah, ‘tis the season for making merry, singing carols, drinking liqueurs you normally wouldn’t touch, and giving presents.

The gift giving is one of my favorite parts. I love Christmas shopping. Always have. After all, we’re talking justified shopping. I love every aspect of it – the lights, the crammed shops, the hunt for that perfect something. Total glee.

Husband, on the other hand, positively, absolutely despises any kind of shopping. He complains every Christmastime that he doesn’t know what to give. (The fact that Husband has given me some of the most amazing presents I have ever received belies this angst. But, hey, you feel what you feel.)

As December creeps along, I begin to see the wrinkles start in Husband’s forehead as we draw nearer to December 25. Husband asks for my Christmas wish list. I oblige. I tell him the truth – I don’t care, as long as it comes from him. In fact, don’t get me anything. (Oh, but do get me a card. He gives the best cards.) Husband continues to worry. Nothing I say seems to matter.

Apparently – if you are Husband — giving your spouse that perfect little something can drive you mad.

I understand some of this. For one, when you are someone who has gotten married later in life, you have already filled your life with things you love. You’ve had a lot of earning years, not to mention physical years on the planet, to accumulate. So, your wants are fewer. This makes for an interesting conundrum around giving to your new spouse.

When older, three major “categories” of desires emerge. You are left with:

1. Things you want. But, since you can afford it yourself, you just go buy it.
2. Things you want. But, these wants are pricier and a little more luxurious so you hesitate to gift yourselves with such extravagance. (Like jewelry, for me.)
3. The surprises. Things you didn’t even know you’d like but somehow someone saw it, thought you’d be into it, and gifted you with it. You’re thrilled.

So, really, you’re left with two and three. Category three freaks out Husband. He doesn’t like surprises and wants to know what will thrill me. Yes, this is a good thing. But, it also leaves us with category two, which makes me feel a bit greedy, needy and guilty. I mean the world is in economic chaos at the moment. Do I really need a diamond tennis bracelet? No. Want one. But, will live without it.

But, we’ve taken an oath of honesty – that we’ll tell each other the truth – so I hurl verbally provide Husband with the “A” list at first. (Or, now known as the four horses of the gift-giving apocalypse.)

• A puppy
• A house
• A diamond eternity ring
• A trip to Sweden

Not necessarily in that order, either.

I also feel guilty in this honesty. (Did I mention the economic chaos?) I tell him, I’ll live without any one of them, was not expecting him to deliver the entire list, and, really, he shouldn’t feel the need to stick to that list at all. To add to my remorse for providing such an extravagant set of desires, he e-mails me me for a Christmas wish list again. This means, List A didn’t pass muster. (Or, he didn’t think I was serious.)

So, I try to be realistic. I give him a list that spans the economic – and kindness — scale. I try to get creative when Husband asks what I’d like to receive as a gift. I suggest

• A “day of romance” (Can you hear Husband’s eye rolling on that one?)
• A day where we go to the Washington, DC Design Center to look at furniture (No buying required. However, I demand he finally point out what he means by a quality couch since after three years I’m still clueless as to what he is talking about.)
• Detailing my car
• A big coffee table book on Sweden
• Less expensive jewelry (I had to sneak that one in.)

I ask Husband what he would like from me. No answer. I’m left with figuring him out. But, I’m not worried. I can shop ‘til I drop.

I don’t hear back on this later wish list. This is a good sign. But, the silence kills me, and for some reason makes me feel even guiltier for asking for anything – because the worried brow is still there. So, I tell him don’t get me a present, which is where we started. I up the ante. I say, let’s not exchange presents at all.

But, then he also knows, no matter the good intentions, I won’t be able to stick to this. I’ll see something that’s perfect for Husband and be compelled to get it.

So, he continues to worry.

And, I continue to worry about him.

To make myself feel better I go Christmas shopping.

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