The Gift That Needs Forgiving. Or, How to Say Out of the Dog House.
ByThe Wall Street Journal published an article the other day, titled, The Gift That Needs Forgiving. I immediately counted my blessings that Husband has never given me a nightgown four times too large wrapped in a Wal-Mart bag. (You have to read the article to really understand that last bit).
The other day I blogged about marital gift giving and how difficult it can be when you are a late bloomer bride (or husband) because:
- You mostly have what you want already
- The “older you” wants tend to run in the expensive to very expensive category. (For instance, my friend “E” says all her husband wants is a helicopter for Christmas. Guess what he’s not getting again this year?)
- Surprises are harder to develop because your likes and dislikes are so, well, established.
Husband always asks for a wish list. It is supposed to help. But, I lament that he shouldn’t need a list. He laments about what I put on the list. (Have I mentioned before I’d like a puppy?) But, after reading this Wall Street Journal article, about the bad gifts some women have been subjected to, I am thinking differently about Husband’s viewpoint around this whole wish list thing.
While I view holiday shopping as an opportunity to surprise and delight, Husband views it quite differently. I am finding that most men view gift giving as shopping for the other person (hence the list). Apparently, this is helpful in avoiding the “gift that needs forgiving.”
So, I offer more help – in addition to this article – in dealing with differing perspectives around holiday present producing:
- Yes, women, provide a Christmas wish list. But, prioritize the list, as well. This comes from experience. Husband will pick out the one electronic gadget on it, otherwise. He says he understands how to research that one. He will ignore anything that involves a size, a choice (color, etc.) or a trip to the lingerie department. Also, do not be shy about providing hyperlinks to exact items.
- Yes, men, you have to produce a really mushy, beautiful Christmas card with your gift. It will take any sting out of the one utilitarian gift you’re likely to pick off the wish list.
- Expensive isn’t the issue. Personally, I’m hoping for more time with Husband as my Christmas gift this year. A day where we just spend it with each other, doing fun things.
- Men, consider sharing the story around why you picked out a certain gift. We like that you actually thought about it. Yes, this involves talking.
- Ladies, love the story he gives. This is encouraging, and perhaps someday they will discover that communicating is not the death sentence that it can sometimes feel like.
In the end, remember the reason for the season. (But, don’t forget the card.)
2 Comments
December 19th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
LBB gift-giving is indeed a challenge. In my married days, I struggled to determine what gifts would delight my husband, who had many interests but, like me, generally bought himself whatever he wanted/needed throughout the year. He didn’t wear sweaters, didn’t wear suits/ties to work. It wasn’t easy. He was a history lover and the closest thing to a Biblical scholar I will ever know, which gave me an idea: 30 crusty ancient roman coins, instructions for how to restore them, some chemicals, and a reference book to use for identification. He was nonplussed. To this day (we are still close friends after splitting 3 years ago), we tease each other by saying, “Hey, don’t you have some coins to clean?” Former Husband preferred receiving a list, or catalogs with products circled; he came up with plenty of wonderful surprises on his own, also.
These days (Husbands take note!), Boy Toy scans my every word on Facebook for gift ideas. Results? He learned that (1) as one of the “25 things about me,” I like rubrum lilies (then brought me a bushel of them three months later on Valentine’s Day) (2) I was excited about a new painting by an artist in San Diego, some of whose work I already own (four months later, he had the 2×4-foot painting shipped to me for my birthday).
December 20th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
wow – Boy Toy is smart! Hmmm, I might have to “remind” Husband that I even have a Facebook page. We got 27 inches of snow in the last 48 hours, putting an end to our last minute (read: Husband’s) Christmas shopping. I wonder what he’s going to do now?