The Celebrity Clause: Taking Applications for Who’s Next in Line

Much fun has been made about marital “celebrity clauses.” In case you’ve been under a rock the last 20 years, a celebrity clause in the marriage contract means that if the celebrity you’ve been secretly fantasizing about all these years suddenly shows up at your doorstep and offers themselves, you are perfectly within your rights to do “whatever” with them. Of course, you’re only allowed one night under the contract. So, make it count.

As a woman who married for the first time after age 40, I had plenty of time to lust after Matthew, Brad, Hugh, Johnny, and Denzel. And, who knew? Someday I really could meet Antonio Banderas.  I travelled. I was single. (I never said feasibility was necessary for my imagination to run wild.)

But, then I got married (past my Antonio prime years).  I thought all crushing would disappear. Ha.

Ask anyone who has been married a long time and you will find that you still have those little urges toward the bold and the beautiful. You just now have two people in your imagination (not necessarily at once) – Husband and [[Insert Notable Name]].

Of course, as you grow older you realize a star crush, in particular, is totally unrequited, which for me personally means my interest wanes after about a year of mooning. I can only take so much ignoring, even from George Clooney.

And, then, of course, you have to separate the roles they play on screen and stage from the real person. I have had a few hopes dashed by the tabloids when I realized that beautiful mask they adopt for audiences was much more attractive than what the paparazzi dishes up after catching them off guard (stepping out of In-n-Out Burger in Santa Monica, hung over and disheveled).

Today, I find myself “in between” celebrity crushes. In other words, I am up for grabs. (Hey, celebrity world, anyone need a new groupie?) I am presently taking interviews.

Unlike me, Husband has been able to hold his crush for a while. Her name shall remain anonymous to protect Husband. The only time his interest waned a bit is when she emerged from a hiatus with some Gawd awful plastic surgery. But, Husband’s loyalty could not be completely swayed. Not even those joker lips could stop him from swooning a bit. I, on the other hand, am quite fickle.

Who is your celebrity crush? I’m taking names…