Callum, The Big Hunter and Carrier Monkey, Makes Friends With Chiggers

I look like I have the pox from the 1700s. I am covered in chigger bites. And, for the record, it is a myth that a critter has buried itself in me. They latch on as infants, suck your blood, leave an enzyme that grows into a welt the size of a dime (at least for me) that will itch so badly you will want to divorce your body from your head. Then, like the cheap whores they are, they take off. Apparently, mature chiggers are vegetarians.

I am covered in said bites because of one little Westie named Callum. If you are new to this blog and have not heard of Callum, he is my baby, my shnookums-muffin-poo-poo-head-wookie bear, my life. (Don’t worry, you’ll get up to speed quickly. I talk about him incessantly.)

Callum also is a little carrier monkey. He, who is completely protected himself from the wild, wild insect kingdom due to industrial strength (but safe) puppy insect-go-away-stuff, is not above allowing the insect world to hitch a ride on his cute little haunches right into mommy’s lap.

By the looks of my torso, he allowed an entire colony to go on vacation from their usual spot onto my body. He’s generous like that.

I will not post pictures of the horror, as it would be nice if you’d feel safe to visit this blog again. But, suffice to say, Husband — who is grossed out by NOTHING — took one look at me and said, in his customary and characteristic monosyllabic way, — Oh, man. In other words, Holy Hell batman, who chowed down on YOU?

I am now two weeks into the welts and they have not stopped itching. After trying half a dozen creams, I have found the only thing that lets me sleep at night. It is called Chiggarix Plus (an OTC cream found at the pharmacy, but which you have to ask for. I have no idea why.). I am on my second jar.

Back to the pictures. So, you’ll just have to take some mental pictures of the devastation. (I am going to look sooo good at my friends pool party on July 4. One piece grandma suit, here I come.)

But, to satisfy the photography-hungry readers, below is HOW the chigger colony probably got inside.

Hi, Mommy. I am a big hunter. I am hiding in the grass with my insect friends. We are looking for prey.

 Here I am! Here I am! (Yes, that’s dirt on my tongue. So?)

I shall take a break from my rooting and survey my kingdom. Yep, Still there.

Okay, I am going back to my friends now. They need me.

About two hours later, we were snuggling. And, yep, that’s when the transfer began. But, I still love him (but now more from a distance when he’s been playing with his insect friends).