While the LBB blog has certainly had some insightful and entertaining observations about how difficult it is for the LBB to cope with her new life in the constant company of the male of the species—especially after her blissful life of self-indulgence—our lovely scribe has conveniently avoided a stroll past the mirror (euphemistically speaking). Things don’t always look the same from the other side of the room!

Yes, there are certainly many things to commend the LBB to any man who wants a partner, rather than a dependent. The LBB has presumably led a successful life, being all on her own. She tends to be confident (though, sometimes to a fault). She’s able to take care of herself (when she chooses to do so). She has her own money (the operative words being “her own”). And, she is totally independent and able to entertain herself. Therein, oft lies the rub.

When one refers to the holy bonds of matrimony and the exalted state of marital bliss, it is often said that each gives himself, or herself, to the other……but how much of herself is really on the table? For the LBB, is it really all of herself, or only what she’s not already using? Does he really get the best of her, or only the leftovers?

In my case, and in my experience, a lot of the men who are fortunate enough to be chosen by an LBB are Retreads…that is, men who have previously been married and are divorced or widowed. The social stigma aside, if the LBB chooses carefully, she’ll find a husband who is already trained. For example, I have not left a toilet seat in the up position since sometime in early 1982. Like most well-trained Retreads, I know that a happy man is one who makes no significant decisions before consulting his wife and partner. In the quest for marital bliss, any Retread with a double-digit IQ knows that sharing himself and his quality time with his mate is the way the way to nurture and enrich their partnership and relationship. That is the lesson I finally learned from my life experience, and I know it’s true, because I also read it in Cosmo! Retreads understand, and, at least, try to practice, “we-think!” We embrace the plural mindset.

But what has life experience taught the average LBB? Her “me-think/my-think” perspective has served her well for 40-something (but looks 30-something) years, and it spills over into her operational outlook. She just doesn’t always recognize it for what it is. Too many times, our independent LBB may confuse “the way things have always been” for “the way things are supposed to be.” As a result, many LBBs do not get very high grades in the category, “Shares well with others.”  First person pronouns have worked well for her whole life, so the words “we” and “ours” don’t always flow easily from the lovely lips of our beloved LBB.  “We-think” is just not on her radar screen, in spite of her best intentions.

Even when our LBB says, we or our, the words may not mean the same thing to her as they mean to him. After a lifetime of thinking and acting single…just remembering that there is another person whose point of view might need to be considered is a constant battle against ingrained reflex, even in the little day-to-day decisions. For the LBB, “we-think” is about as natural as tight-rope walking in five-inch heels.

However, to be fair, there are times when plural pronouns do come easily to our LBB. Most notably, there is the Royal we….as in, “We like” or “We think”, when the LBB informs her listener of our happy couple’s preferences and opinions…….many of which come as news to her adoring and attentive spouse. Ah, but such is life with an LBB……

We Retreads just try to roll with it.