Late Bloomer Bride

It is a myth that your Ipod, which you’ve dropped into the bathtub, can be dried out and restored by putting it into a bag of rice in the freezer. It’s dead.

The InStyle magazine that went into the tub with it also cannot be resurrected by hanging it over a chair on the porch. The pages are permanently stuck together ensuring you will never, ever know what cover girl Charlize Theron drinks to look that way after age 35.

It matters not how many times a Westie throws up the mulch he ate earlier that day. He will continue to chow down on said mulch.

Only when I am starting to feel like I’m coming down with strep throat and could really, really use 8 hours of sleep does Husband choose to spend the night snoring. All night.

It also is only when these 8 hours are necessary that said Westie throws up mulch in his crate at 3 a.m. making his mommy believe he is choking to death and she will need to deliver the heimlich maneuver holding a flashlight so not to awake (for the 100th time) snoring Husband.

Begging does nothing to make Husband roll over to stop snoring.

People at work do not care how much sleep you get. They still want their press release, white paper, case study, report, brow soothing, blog posts, and whatevahs.

You really can spend more money in 7 months with a puppy than you ever did on your first car.

The weekend does always finally come around. If you can just be patient. Just be sure you have some back up reading.