Author Archive
I Never Did Like The Name Earl…
Posted by: | CommentsI always knew anyone named Earl was trouble.
When I was 15 years old, Stepfather’s best friend was named Earl. Earl liked the ladies. Especially the 15 year old variety. He liked to give me “pony” sized Miller lite beers when we all went on weekend horseback trail rides together. Earl thought it might make this (then) 15 year old like him better. It didn’t. And, Earl never got within a horse’s reach of me. I declared then and there that I would never go out with an Earl.
Today, Husband and I are trying to avoid another Earl. Hurricane Earl. We are presently glued to the Weather Channel to see if we will be subjected to a mandatory evacuation from the Outer Banks (North Carolina). Earl is suposed to hit on Thursday night/Friday morning — our 5th wedding anniversary, exactly. I suppose it’s kind of romantic in a Key Largo movie kind of way. But, then again, the thought of packing everything up to move inland for a day or two isn’t that appealing either. I’m rather attached to my laziness at the moment (after the summer I had).
But, I’m trolling the Internet for fabu inland North Carolina spas and mountain inns just in case. (Got any recommendations?)
I am also doing my part on the re-packing front. If we start right now, I’m pretty sure we can kill the tequila in time. Hey, it’s one less thing to pack.
The Comeback Post – When People Say Stupid Things to the 40+ Bride
Posted by: | CommentsI am amazed at some of the reactions I’ve gotten from people when they discover I married for the first time at age 42. The things that come out of their mouths. Oy, vey. I never seem to think of the really great comeback until the next day.
My friend, the St. Louis Working Mom, has a similar experience when people find out she has teenagers.
To those individuals who told me “it’s about time” I got married, when we announced our engagement, I might now say, “yeah, well I was waiting for my harem of lovers to give me permission to add one more. But, they are kinda selfish about me…” I try to be as kind as I can to the stupid people. But, every once in a while I just want to retort.
So, below is a list for all you LBBs out there needing some good responses for all the positively crass things people might say to you. I recommend printing it out and having it made into a wallet size. ‘Cause if you haven’t heard these yet – you very will could. This one’s for you StLWM!
- The remark: Well, we never thought you’d take the plunge. The nice response: Thanks for thinking I’m so special. The response I really want to give: Yeah, it’s tough being wanted by so many men. It was just so hard to choose, you know? Oh, well, maybe you don’t.
- The remark: He must be some special perfect man to have won you. The nice response: Why, yes, he is. I held out for the best. The response I really want to give: Yeah, what happened in your case? I mean, [[insert his/her spouse’s name]], really??
- The remark: What changed your mind about marriage? The nice response: I waited for the right man. The response I really want to give: I saw just how miserable everyone else was being married, I thought I’d join all of you.
- The remark: We were wondering if you liked men. The nice response: I always did. The response I really want to give: Actually, I like both. [[insert name of new husband/fiancé] and I both do (wink-wink) if you know what I mean.
- The remark: I guess we can’t call you spinster anymore. The nice response: Do they even have those anymore? The response I really want to give: Does that mean I can’t call you a bitch anymore?
- The remark: We have to meet this guy. The nice response: He’s dying to meet you, too. The response I really want to give: No. You’re not allowed.
- The remark: So, I guess he doesn’t want children, huh? The nice response: We aren’t going to talk about our deeply personal business outside of our relationship. The response I really want to give: Actually, our adoption papers just came in. We’re taking over for octo-mom.
- The remark: Thank goodness he has already (or insert: does not want) children. What would you have done? The nice response: I guess that means we’re perfect for each other. The response I really want to give: Probably killed myself, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you don’t have children, right?
- The remark: Why bother now? The nice response: It’s never too late for love. The response I really want to give: I asked myself that very same thing when you told me you were getting a new job, new boyfriend, new house, new car, new [[insert]].
- The remark: Oh, your wedding is on Labor Day Weekend? Sorry, we already have plans (a year from now). But, it won’t be that big of a wedding anyway, right? The nice response: We’ll miss you. The response I really want to give: Sooo glad I threw you two bridal showers, a bachelorette party and wore that paisley dress in your wedding when I was only making $800 a week. Oh, but you were 28 and that means your wedding was more special, huh?
- The remark: No, I’m not wearing that color in your wedding. The nice response: Please? For me? The response I really want to give: Okay, you can wear that chartreuse green dress you made me wear in your wedding. It’s a size 4, so start starving.
- The remark: White, huh? The nice response: Yes. The response I really want to give: I thought about wearing scarlet red. You know like you did. But then I thought, hmmm, that’s really not my best color.
And, the final thing you might hear, courtesy of Laurie, the LBB:
13. Stupid remark: Thank goodness. We were worried who was going to take care of you. The nice response: No need to worry, I’ve been fine. The response I really want to give: What, are you from the 50s or something? Who do you think has been paying the mortgage all these years? Santa Claus?
Quote of the Week: Hands
Posted by: | CommentsWhat did my hands do before they held you? ~ Sylvia Plath
Mood Music for Relationships — New Playlists for Your Listening Pleasure
Posted by: | CommentsI am a music junkie. I do everything to it – working out, driving, working, cooking, and other unmentionables for a public space. Over the years, I’ve developed playlists for various moods and said activities.
Check out our new “music” section (see that “music” tab above?) where a few playlists are available for your listening (and downloading) pleasure. Or, just click here.
Note they are labeled for various stages you may be in (such as ’searching for love’) and by attitudes and by, ahem, activities. Enjoy!
What I Did On My Summer Vacation
Posted by: | CommentsIt is August 26. How the heck did that happen? Exactly at what point did summer officially pass me by? Want to know what I did all summer?
See this?
Add that, plus two dozen “expert” interviews and a survey of 1,000 industry professionals. You get this:
Which was written with the help of this:
And, a lot more help from this:
Well, I was going to take a picture of the empties, but Husband went to the recycling center today. I’m surprised they fit into his car.
After some input from Husband (who used the word “overwhelmed” more than once after reading my draft report the other night), I delivered the 125 page report to the organization who commissioned it.
I hereby dedicate my summer to a certain industry, in an effort to help them understand social media. (They better start tweeting soon, dammit.)
So, now I am going to the beach for two weeks, where you’ll find me face first in the sand with this:
With these:
Or, you’ll find me in my hot pink beach chair that I just can’t give up. Sitting next to Husband. (At least rumor has it that I still have one of those.) If I start snoring, don’t wake me up.
