So, we’re launching a new Wednesday Advice Column. (Why Wednesday? Why not? Actually, believe it or not, it is when I get the most questions. Perhaps “hump day” causes the most angst in people, in general?)

Every Wednesday, we’ll post a question alogn with an attempt to provide some potential answers (stress: potential). I do not claim to have all the answers. And, don’t take any advice that doesn’t feel right for you. We also are conting on you — dear readers — to chime in often and loudly.

First question up to bat: I got married at age 41. I have my own retirement accounts, my own checking and savings accounts, and make a decent living. My husband is in a similar situation. We are struggling how to merge (some? all?) of our finances. What say you?

LBB Says: Many options are available to you. My advice is to start slowly. Choose which expenses are “joint expenses,” such as mortgages/rent, groceries, “date nights” out, utilities, vacations, etc. Create a separate account for those expenses. Then, there are options as to who puts money into the account and how much. You can set it up so that:

• each person deposits 50%  of the total needed each month into the joint account, or
• each person deposits the same percentage of each salary (provided the two amounts combined cover the “monthly nut.”)

Then, as time progresses, keep the dialogue open about retirement accounts and large joint purchases (e.g. new refrigerator) to see what makes you and your spouse comfortable.

Readers: anything to add?

Also, check out our articles section on finances.

I had picked up an Inc. magazine to read on the plane. Not two minutes of congratulating myself for buying it over the Us magazine has passed when I turned the page and found it. “It” being the Inc. article on how entrepreneurship can be the death knell of marriage. Great. Now all I wanted to do was dive right in and starting pontificating writing about it on my blog.

But, there I sat. Captive on an airplane with the seat belt sign illuminated, keeping me from my laptop in my bag in the overhead compartment. So, I did the old fashioned thing. I wrote — with a PEN! — in the margins. A lot.

The article by Meg Cadoux Hirshberg for the column, Balancing Acts, was titled “Breaking Up’s Not Hard to Do.”

This article scared me. Because I realized something. I am married to an entrepreneur! And, he married one, too! EEK.

And, then it included all kinds of scary signs that the business world is overtaking your relationship. Thinking about it later, I realized the first thing I did after Husband picked me up from the airport was gush about a new business opportunity that might be coming my way after I gave the Really Important Presentation. I instantly asked for his take on the situation. He instantly took me up on it. It wasn’t until we were in bed later that night that I asked how his last three days had gone. Bad girl. 

According to Hirshberg, traits that emerge when building a company include, bossiness (who me?), self-importance (gulp) and impatience (guilty).

This makes me ponder: Is our household big enough for two — well actually, in our case, several — companies and a marriage? Then, I remembered at least Husband picked me up from the airport. As Harry famously put to Sally in the movie, When Harry Met Sally, I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?

Really, I believe Husband’s and my saving grace is rather simple. We don’t work for each other. Several of the couples interviewed for this article did. While Husband and I freely give each other advice (mostly good), we at least can avoid the boss-employee relationship. (Shudder.)

The article points out that it all comes down to priorities. At least one of the interviewees flat out stated the business came first. (His wife divorced him. Surprise!)

Fortunately, Husband and I have learned to combat the dreaded “it’s always about work” and, even more thinly disguised “it’s always about YOU,” resentments that can crop up when we get too business-focused. And, this is because of one very simple rule: We have a pleasant, fun shared experience, regularly, and often with each other. Because all work and no play make for a very dull marriage, indeed.

Now, I really must stop this and get back to work.

In the meantime, anyone else got entrepreneurship and relationship advice?

P.S. I have since rushed to Inc.com to read other things by Ms. Hirshberg such as My Husband’s Next Business, which contains my new favorite line: “It had never crossed my mind to request a one-company-only prenup” after hearing about her husband’s new business idea. Me, either. Drat.)

Another good Hirshberg gem: 10 Tips for a Happy Marriage, which naturally talks about things related to when a spouse is a business person and entrepreneur.

Somewhat related is a recent post by A Simple Marriage, Saying No to Build the Lifestyle You Desire. Very good advice here.

First, you are going to have to talk to each other about it. I know this seems obvious, but I cannot believe how many women don’t want to broach this subject with their “intendeds” or new husbands. The intimidation factor seems alive and well. I get the sense that many of these LBBs just don’t want to rock the boat now that they’ve found “the one.”

Well, start rocking.

I’ve learned that asking questions is a good place to start. It’s less confronting somehow. Below are some things to consider and questions to ask your partner that will help get your set up for decision-making:

1. Know who you are marrying (or married to). Ask yourself what you’ve witnessed to date. Is he/she a saver? A spender? A planner? Now ask him or her who they think they are. Do they match?
2. Determine your values, long-term goals, and dreams for the future. Now ask him or her what their ideas are. Do they match? If not, can that be resolved? If not, are you prepared to financially support your ideas without him or her? Are you able to watch him fund something you wouldn’t spend a nickel on? (Trust me, he or she probably thinks the same about one of your hobbies, too.)
3. If children are involved (either planned for or currently around), make those financial decisions early. How do you both feel about paying for their first car? Their college? Their jail bailout? (On that last one, seriously know the answer. Life is known to throw you curve balls at the most inopportune time.)
4. Know when and how you want to retire or make a career shift. At what age, ideally, do you want to stop working? Do you want to stop working altogether or morph it into something more meaningful where money is no longer the goal? By when? How much money will you need? And, are you committed to putting away enough?
5. Where do you want to retire? Husband actually mentioned leaving the U.S. once to me, which begged the question – Mexican village or Swiss chalet? It makes a difference.
6. Understand how you’ll deal with the larger health issues, especially the unpredictable ones. They are usually expensive no matter what way you cut it. How is your health? Do you both take care of yourselves? Could you do this better? How can you support one another here? How much insurance (health insurance, long-term care, etc.) do you need? What are your assets if you need to liquidate some to handle health issues? And, are you prepared to do that for each other?

Some of these questions may beg the obvious answer, as in well, of course I’d sell my antique baseball card collection to take care of her hospital bills.

But, not so fast. Remember, you found each other later in life. There are fully-formed ideas swimming in your partner’s brain that you may not be aware of.

What if he believes selling the house and moving to a smaller condo is the answer? And, your dream was to die in that wonderful house? You could give a flip about the baseball cards.

And, then there are the “others.” There are other people in their lives, from children to friends, some of whom may have been around longer than you. They may have opinions, carry much weight with your partner and can sway (snap) decision-making. So, if you and your partner have determined these things early (and have things in writing early), it will make those unexpected life changes easier to deal with.

Any more questions you believe are imperative to ask?

Disclaimer: Again, I am not formally providing financial (or health) advice. This is just me telling you about my experiences and what has worked for us. Please speak with your accountant, attorney, tax guy or whoever you go to for real advice around finances.

While all couples are advised to handle this issue tout de suite (and before the wedding), the late bloomer bride has a few complications thrown in that our younger counterparts probably do not have to deal with right away. Just by the nature of being older means a number of things:

• You probably have money of your own
• You hopefully have some retirement funds set aside
• You might have children to consider
• You really should be thinking about health issues and how they already or may impact your future financial status
• You most certainly already have ideas about money
• You most definitely have thoughts about the level of comfort, joy, dream-fulfillment and other goodies

Recently, several late bloomers have asked me for direction in finding good advice on how to deal with money when coupling for the first time.

First, see our article section on finances.

Next, I thought I’d go ahead and give a peek under our kimono so you could see how Husband and I handle our finances.

(Minor digression: It’s hard to imagine now that just a few decades ago we would not be having this conversation. Not too long ago, the men brought home the pig and the women “oohed” and “ahhed” over his hunting skills while making brisket, sloppy joes and all other manners of good eats from said pig. But, today? Well, Women influence 85% of all consumer purchases in the U.S. and wield over $5 trillion in purchasing power. And, if you are over 40 and contemplating marriage, the last thing you want is someone (man or woman) telling you what to do with your dough. But, yes, LBBs, there are strategies available to you.)

For five years Husband’s and my system has worked beautifully. It goes like this. We have several, separate financial “buckets,” including

• Our joint checking account
• His personal accounts
• My personal accounts
• His retirement accounts
• My retirement account

Husband and I have an arrangement where we split all joint expenses 50-50. The joint checking account is used for mortgages, groceries, dining out together, the utilities, vacations, etc. We have a semi-budget and put that much in each month.

(We do not get crazy around the grocery bill, either. Husband eats his weight in cereal and milk while he cannot keep up with my wine consumption. I figure it works out, financially, in the end. I never understood those couples who have a list on the refrigerator around who eats what and who pays for what gets eaten (or drunk). But, to each his own.)

For the joint account, I had suggested a percentage based on our incomes. That way if one of us made more money, then the other would pony up more. Then, in the end, we would both be giving equally based on what we had. No, he wanted an equal split. Okay, then.

We also have our own accounts. Husband doesn’t know what I do with it (or just how many online sites have “stored” my credit card for easy one-click shopping). He doesn’t care. Well, he probably cares. But, he figures it’s my business. As for him, most of the time I don’t know how much money is exchanged to get those boxes the UPS man delivers that are marked “airplane parts.” It doesn’t matter so long as the bills get paid and the retirement accounts stay robust.

Where it can get really sticky is around retirement, healthcare and insurance planning, nest eggs, children’s college education funds and other large investment-oriented decisions. This is where sitting down, talking and planning becomes imperative. My advice? Check out Monday’s post, where I’ll try to provide some direction.

Disclaimer:  I am not formally providing financial (or health) advice. This is just me telling you about my experiences and what has worked for us. Please speak with your accountant, attorney, tax guy or whoever you go to for sage advice around finances. After all, you don’t want someone who paid $200 for a hair-dryer the only one giving you advice now, do you?

Husband is a numbers person. Taxes, financials, accounting. He does it all. He likes to order them, file them, basically beat them into submission. I do believe I have married the only man on the planet who gets positively giddy when the UPS man delivers the new year’s tax code book. Seriously. See this?

That’s Husband holding the tax code. He is smiling, he says, because this rather thick book is filled with all kinds of goodies about deductions.

When Husband first brought up marriage with me, he quickly backtracked saying we should just live together. It’d be cheaper, he announced. He’s right.  Marriage has not been kind to our tax status.

Recently, I came across an interesting article from the UK on how couples are wedding later in life. The line that got me was: The figures sparked, once again, a debate over whether married couples should enjoy tax breaks.

In the U.K., according to this article, it has been calculated that approximately 1.8 million low-earning couples are materially worse off than their single parent counterparts, losing on average £1,336 a year because they live together.

I made a huge mistake in mentioning this to Husband. (One thing you learn early in marriage is that timing is everything. You have to know when to bring up stuff.)

Mentioning this blog post, in development, gave him an excuse to rail about Congress, the current administration, the mounting national debt (or the national black hole), and how I still haven’t printed out some report form Quickbooks that he needs, like, yesterday.

But, this is not unusual. Every time tax time comes around, Husband grumbles about how much more money we’d make it we were just legally single and living together.

According to this year’s tax code, the marriage penalty starts, Husband says, somewhere between $86,000 and $137, 000 – jointly. Quite a spread. And, if we made the low end, well, we’d have to live with my mother. Forget being married.

The tax ramifications around marriage are different for every couple. So, just for grins, I googled.

• Marriage and Taxes from the Groom Grove (don’t ya just love that title)?
• Bad Tax Idea: Getting married without checking on the tax ramifications, by Profitable
• The Marriage Calculator: Financial Consequences of Marriage Decisions by the US Dept of Health & Human Services
• The Myth of the Marriage Penalty by Liz Pulliam Weston on MSN Money
• Getting Married by TurboTax
• Marriage Penalty: I don’t think so by Living Single blogger Bella DePaulo, published by Psychology Today

Read it and weep.

(Note to all readers: I am NOT giving out tax advice. You’ll need someone much smarter with numbers than me for that. Talk to your accountant.)