The vicar said in his sermon at Lesley’s wedding, “It soon become obvious to all of us that love was blooming in the desert”. And it had: this late bloomer bride met her husband during a trip to the five deserts of the Middle East 12 years ago.

Married for the first time on her 46th birthday, Lesley recognizes that fate had a huge hand in her meeting her husband. “All the rapid planets were in alignment in my chart. My 45th birthday was looming and I wanted to do something different to celebrate. As the trip got closer I was less and less enthusiastic, though. I was really too busy to go, although a far sighted friend said that I might meet my prince in the desert. She was right. My future husband, David, and I found ourselves with a small group of about 12. We all knew the organizer, our vicar, but not each other. We were taking time out from the interruptions of daily life to sleep under the stars and explore. Far from phones, computers and social engagements we were free to get to know each other in less time than usual. When I returned to Geneva, I learned that I had to go immediately to England for family reasons. David came with me. I knew then that he was special although I didn’t realize how special until our first argument, three months later.”

Lesley lives in Geneva, Switzerland. She’s English, David’s American. She is a relationship coach and psychologist who counsels singles on attracting and retaining love and couples on marriage preparation. She says there are a high number of later-in-life marriages in Geneva. The international city is full of expatriates who work all hours, concentrating on their careers and travelling. This leaves them with little time to look for love. But, she says, past 40 their thoughts turn to marriage. This situation inspired her to write a book on marriage at 40+. She is interested to hear from other LBBs who would like to be interviewed about their experiences. (Ed. note: Contact me, if you are interested.)

What was your age when you got married? I chose the date of my 46th birthday as David and I have the same birthday.

What do you find the most surprising about marriage? Marriage is surprising! I think I had a “sex and the city” approach that is not hugely realistic. Most of my school life was spent in boarding schools in England and Switzerland so I had little idea of what family life was like.

(Lesley admits she was engaged three times before taking the marital plunge with her current husband. And, she adds when they got to the courthouse to sign the promissory letter, she had to walk around the building a few times to calm herself.)

I imagined marriage would be romantic dinners every night with candles and music. I wanted an ideal situation and was frightened of committing. It took courage for me to marry. We decided quite soon to have dinner often by candlelight and we have two anniversary dinners out a month. We have little rituals like that to keep the magic.

What do you miss the most about single life? My husband travels, which allows me to have some alone time. But, I miss the “usuals,” such as coming home and putting on a face mask and eating what I like and doing whatever I want.

Do you have any advice for the over 40 woman seeking love and marriage?
(Ed. note: Lesley conducts workshops for 40+ men and women in order to help them find love. She is an example of success, so people encouraged her to deliver workshops on the topic.)

It is important to be clear about your objectives. Do you really want to share your life with someone, or are you just trying to please others? If you do want to meet a partner, be as relaxed about it as possible. More than likely, you will meet someone when you least expect to.

Once you have met that special person, realize that you are at the beginning of your life together. Too often we think we are moving into a “finished house” when we get married, but, actually we only have the foundations. The rest will be built with love, patience and arguments over the years.

Finally be prepared for the other person’s evolution. Marriage preparation is helpful because it enables you to ask the right questions from the start.

When single, we think marriage will be easy. It isn’t, but it’s worth working at.

Ed. note: Lesley is actively seeking other late bloomer brides (and grooms) to interview for a book she is writing on the topic. So, let us know if you are interested.

All of our late bloomer bride interviews are special, as each of the women has a different story to tell. But, Lauren’s story is both special and could be any working woman’s opportunity. Ladies, take note that you may want to start canvassing hallways at work you haven’t been down before – both literally and figuratively. Lauren met her husband at work and have been together for just over four years (married for two).

What was your age when you got married? 41

How did you meet? We met at work. It was ironic, too. Both of us had been working for this company for seven years and had never met before. It is a big company. Then, I went on vacation with some friends  and acquaintances, and one of the women wanted to introduce me to a friend of the guy she was dating. It took us a while to connect. They told him about me, so I discovered later that he did a “drive-by” at work to see me. Then, our friends invited us both out for a drink so we could meet. I feel sure that if it wasn’t for them, we still would have gone our separate ways at work and not ever connected even though we worked in the same building.

What had you thinking about marriage? I was facing the prospect of facing 40 and being single. There comes a point where you say, well, gee, I’ve never had a bridal shower or a baby shower. And, I wanted my own party. So, right around the time we were still just dating, I began to plan a 40^th birthday party for myself. He proposed to me before my 40^th birthday. So my birthday party was a combination birthday-engagement party. It was the best gift he could have given me. And, I had no idea he was going to do it so soon!

What do you find the most surprising about marriage? Some of the same things apply that happen to someone when they marry younger. There are good parts and bad parts. We both had plenty of time to be on our own and do our own thing. This does give more desire to do something with someone else. But it’s equally difficult because now you are set in your ways. You are already down the path of being who you are. The whole compromise and balancing act can be pretty challenging.

For myself, as a woman, I started compromising more than he did. I don’t know if it’s the nature of women and men, or if it is just my personal nature. But, I found early on that I bent over backwards. Then suddenly I realized he wasn’t doing it as much. But, we’ve learned.

I’ve come full circle. I accept him 100% for who he is. You can’t think your significant other is going to make significant changes. We’ve gotten to a really comfortable place where we respect each other and our differences.

We are very different. He’s a guy’s guy, enjoying hockey and softball. And I’m a girl’s girl, loving theatre and music. So, it became more of the balancing act, meaning being individuals and allowing us to do what we wanted to do.  Now, I don’t need to go to every hockey game, for instance. I still go to the theatre with friends without him. At first I missed not doing it with him. But having my independent activities helped. We allow each other our freedoms.

Yet, what jives well is the foundational aspects, like our house and where we chose to live.

If we had children, it would be different. If I had to stay home with kids, I would miss more. But, I can still go out and do things I love.

What do you miss the most about single life? Not much. I do not miss the dating scene and match.com.

Do you have any advice for the over 40 woman seeking love and marriage? Yes, Let go and trust. When I finally got to a point of not forcing things is when he showed up. Just do the things you love to do. I think it’s the best place to meet someone. I’ve been with guys who looked good on paper. Everything I thought I should want. But, life is not like the chick flicks. (Ed Note: Amen, sister.) My husband is five years younger. I like it. It keeps me feeling younger and the prospect of later in life, based on stats, is longevity. He’ll be around longer.

Ed Note: Lauren also agrees with this LBB that the “perfect man list” is unworkable. She called them “a constant expectation that won’t be met.” Smart cookie.

One word you would use to describe marriage? Comfortable.

What did your family say when you got married older? My family was so happy but they couldn’t believe it actually happened. But, they did not throw it in my face.

     Laurie got married for the first time this spring after meeting her guy online two years ago. A widower — with two teenage girls to raise — didn’t stop him from acting on a good thing when he clicked on her profile. Laurie said they “met” near Thanksgiving just under two years ago, got engaged within eight months, and married this past April.

     “From our first interaction it just felt different. I dated for decades. I was always dating with that glimmer of hope that something would be different and would click,” she said. “But, it just didn’t until I met my husband.”

   But, she also is quick to point out that she did a lot of internal personal work in the previous few years. “I have to say I connected more with my higher power.” Laurie also states that she did not work on herself for the end goal of meeting someone, “but rather just for me,” she said. But, that was how she was now able to be in a healthy relationship. 

     “Prior to that it was just one unhealthy relationship after another. I felt I had little confidence in myself. And, I attracted what I felt,” she said.

      Laurie said that ten years ago she wouldn’t have looked at him twice. He is from Midwest, an eagle scout, a nice normal guy, she says. “He wouldn’t have been appealing to me.” Surprise!

      Read on to hear more about Laurie’s story.

The LBB: Laurie, communications professional, age 47, married for the first time this past spring

LBB: So, what ultimately attracted you?

Laurie: Before we physically met, I could tell from his first e-mail that he was different. His grammar was correct. He had a good command of the English language. When we started talking, at that time, it was just before Thanksgiving. My uncle in North Caroline had a stroke. So my father and I had gone down to see him. I remember talking to my-now-husband [[name removed to protect the Internet shy]] before we left. When I got back to my hotel room that first day, he had sent me a message, saying in case I wanted to talk I should call him (even late at night). This man is not a night owl, either. So, I knew this was different.

LBB: What do you find the most surprising about marriage?

Laurie: The comfort from knowing that person is there for me, no matter what. We can have a day where we are both highly annoyed, but he comes back to me regardless. You know that fear when you are dating that you can’t be completely yourself because you’ll turn the other person off? Well, being married, it’s part of the package and it balances out. He says all the time, I’m here for you, no matter what. I don’t have to be completely self sufficient every moment of every day. I can let go and share my vulnerabilities and he’s got my back.

Also, she added she was worried about melding her life after being on my own for so long.

“Physically being in the house with other people is hard. He has two teenage girls, and I found myself suddenly part of a family. But I thought I would be set in my ways. I think now that I’m older, I’m much more willing to let things go, which before would have been irritating to me.

LBB: What do you miss the most about single life?

Laurie: Coming into my house and being able to decompress without anyone there to engage with.

LBB: Do you have any advice for the over 40 woman seeking love and marriage?

Laurie: Put yourself out there, but have no expectations. Let things happen. Don’t force it. And, work on yourself, work on yourself, work on yourself. And, don’t just let it be about doing things in order to meet someone. If you are desperate and you just want to be with someone, you won’t get the long-lasting, soul-comforting type of relationship.

LBB: What did your family say when you got married older?

Laurie: They were over-the-moon happy. My husband is such a wonderful man. They were worried I might screw it up! They love him.  And, because he was happily married for more than 22 years, he can guide me in a fulfilling marriage. It’s different to be in a relationship with someone who already was in a happy, long-lasting relationship.

LBB: One word you would use to describe marriage?

Laurie: Comforting.

Age: 53

Occupation: Owner of social media company

Sabrina says she never thought she would get married after 40. But, she did, and joined the ranks of the Late Bloomer Brides in 2004. Her romantic story began on Valentine’s Day that year. “We married on top of the Empire State Building, and then we repeated our vows on our fifth wedding anniversary.” Such a romantic story has to be told then! We interviewed Sabrina to get her sage advice on marrying – and what to look for – after age 40.

What was your age when you got married? 45

How did you meet your husband? I lived in Ohio my whole life, dating different people but not getting married. I wanted to, so I decided to move. I asked for a transfer from my employer, which had an office in New York City (and where my sister already lived). I just had a strong feeling I’d find my husband in New York.  I arrived on July 3, stayed with my sister for a few days and on the following Monday moved into my new apartment. That day, I walked around the corner to look at neighborhood and came across a little pizza shop. And, there I saw him.  I ordered a soda, and then continued to return every day for a month. Finally, we went out in August, and got married the following Valentine’s Day.

What did your family say when you got married older? My family thought I would never get married. I used to go to family reunions and they would question my “direction” asking me if I even like men. Yes, I like men, I just made bad choices. (Editorial note: Been there. Done that, too.) Once it was time, my family was mixed – some cautious, some ecstatic. My friends were very ecstatic.

What do you find the most surprising about marriage? There is such an appreciation for being married when getting married in your 40s — gratitude for the partnership, and the support in what you can do together. I also find a huge appreciation for time. You only live for so long anyway. When things are good, you think  I wish I had met you 20 years earlier (But, she says, her Husband responds,  you wouldn’t have liked me 20 years earlier. Wink.) It’s just sweeter. Plus you’re so different in your 20s.

What do you find surprising about marriage? Not much. It just gets better every day and better every year. I’m pleased with how things have gone, especially when you see things in the news about people having bad marriages.

What do you miss the most about single life? That is hard for me to answer. I miss things I did in Ohio and those experiences. But, they were based around my girlfriends. I do miss going out with girlfriends after work and having dinner.  But, now, I want to come home and spend time with my husband.

Do you have any advice for the over-40 woman seeking love and marriage? Do not give up. Definitely do not settle. Do not settle for a relationship that does not honor you. It’s so easy to think, this is as good as it’s going to get. I’ll settle for this person. But, you are not put on this earth to be miserable with a mate.

I think in my early 20s, there was a guy I wanted to marry. But, my family said I didn’t have to. So, I didn’t. Then, after I just didn’t find anyone I felt I wanted to be married to, live in a house with, and be with every single day. I didn’t find the right person, until I saw my Husband and said this is it.

If you’re super picky, that might make it difficult. But, if you are normal and sane, don’t settle for someone who will disrespect you. Be open about it. Your husband can be a lawyer or a bus driver. But keep your horizons open for a good person.

 What is one word you would use to describe marriage? Fun.

Married for the first time at age 49 1/2

Judith first met her current husband about 20 years ago in a bar. She says he remembers meeting her, but she tells us that she definitely remembers. “I recall he was very tall (still is). But, we didn’t date. And, I am sure we wouldn’t have worked out back then. We were different people than we are now,” she says.

Judith says while she never lived with a man before getting married, she did have several long-time relationships.  She adds, “I was either not ready or hadn’t met the right man. Or both. I had quite a few suitors over the years. But I didn’t want to get married unless I was certain he was the right one. When he came along, I just knew.”

Now happily married, she answers some questions for our readers, including some advice for the over 40 woman seeking love and marriage.

LBB: What do you find the most surprising about marriage?

Judith: I was surprised how easy it’s been. It reinforces that he’s the right one for me. We dated for two years before getting married, and now have been married for four years. And, in all that time, we haven’t had a single argument. We are just so compatible.

LBB: What do you miss the most about single life?

Judith: I miss being able to go home at night and just have bowl of cheerios for dinner. (Ed.: He cooks and cleans, however, so she told us she is not complaining.) I miss watching TV in the middle of the night. He helps me be a little more regimented in my schedule. Getting protein for dinner and getting enough sleep. He’s been good for me and my health. I also might miss getting dolled up and going out with the girls, a little bit. But its passing thought. I wouldn’t go back to those days for anything.

LBB: Do you have any advice for the over 40 woman seeking love and marriage? 

Judith: This will sound clichéd, but don’t give up. Don’t settle. It’s much better to be alone than to be with someone in a bad relationship. The most alone you feel is when you’re with the wrong man. So, don’t compromise in choosing your mate. Marriage is give and take. But, wait for someone who is compatible with you. When I think of men I dated in my 20s and think about being married to them now, it’s laughable. I have changed so much. 

What did your family say when you got married older?

Judith: They were so happy for me. One girlfriend kept saying I wouldn’t do it. But, I knew I would.  How I wish my parents were still alive and could have met him. He is so much like my dad. He’s funny. I can be myself with him. We go to bed laughing and wake up laughing.

LBB: How did you know he was the one?

Judith: It was just the most natural evolution. I never thought that he wasn’t the one. And also when I saw how he treated his mom and his pets. That told me what I needed to know. How they treat animals and interact with their mom and family is important.

LBB: One word you would use to describe marriage?

Judith: Comforting.